Romance after Baby

Many new couples start dreaming of tiny baby toes and sweet little cuddles shortly after the honeymoon phase. They start planning and prepping for baby, but often forget that having a baby is a life-changing experience, and it can take a toll on even the strongest of relationships. In fact, studies have shown that the divorce rate in the first year after a baby is born is as high as 39%. That might sound a little scary, but many couples don't think about how the lack of sleep, lack of time, and lack of self care will effect them. It can be hard to be romantic and feel the love when you were up at midnight...then at two in the morning...then at four. It can be hard to be flirtatious when you're cleaning baby spit up out of your hair that you hadn't washed for a week anyways. Life is definitely different once baby arrives, however, with the right mindset and approach, couples can still find a little romance and grow together instead of apart during this challenging time.

The first step is to acknowledge that having a baby changes everything. It's important to have realistic expectations and recognize that your relationship will require some adjustments. For example, it's unlikely that you'll have as much time for spontaneous date nights or weekend getaways as you did before the baby arrived. It might be hard to find things to talk about besides the baby since that's what is taking up most of your time and attention. A new mom probably won't feel as attractive when she's just had a baby and is running on very little sleep.

This doesn't have to mean that romance is dead though. Here are some tips to help keep the flame alive:

1. Schedule time for each other: It's important to make time for each other, even if it's just a few minutes each day. Scheduling date nights can help you stay connected. That doesn't always have to mean finding a babysitter. Sometimes it can be cooking a special meal together, watching a new movie at home, or playing a game of Scrabble. It's just important to be intentional about when because if you're just waiting for some free time, baby isn't going to give it to you. Pick a day and write it on the calendar. Plan ahead and figure out how you can still have your date night even if that date night is at home with baby too.

2. Communicate openly and honestly: It's important to communicate openly and honestly with your partner about your feelings and needs. This can help prevent misunderstandings and resentment from building up. It's easy to get upset if you feel like you're taking on all the added responsibility alone. Maybe you're lonely because you're not adjusting well to the lack of quality time with your partner. You have to tell them. Being a parent changes a lot, but it doesn't turn anyone into a mind reader.

3. Help each other out: Caring for a newborn can be exhausting, so it's important to help each other out as much as possible. This can include taking turns getting up for night feedings, sharing household chores, and giving each other breaks when needed.

4. Find ways to stay intimate: Sex may not be a top priority in the early days of parenthood, but finding other ways to stay intimate can help keep your connection strong. This can include cuddling, holding hands, or simply spending time together. If it starts to feel like that's not enough, pick a day on the calendar and schedule your "sexy time". While that may not sound very romantic, it is definitely practical. Babies take a lot of time, and leave you feeling tired. You'll likely have to be very intentional about intimacy for a while and that's ok!

5. Don't forget to have fun: Parenthood can be all-consuming, but it's important to remember to have fun and enjoy each other's company. Laughing and having fun together can help keep your relationship strong. Share funny videos with each other. Watch a funny movie while feeding the baby. Act goofy. Play with the baby together. The smiles and laughs are what will get you through the rut.

In conclusion, having a baby can be challenging for any relationship, but with the right mindset and approach, couples can keep the romance alive and strengthen their bond during this time. By scheduling time for each other, communicating openly and honestly, helping each other out, finding ways to stay intimate, and having fun together, couples can navigate the challenges of parenthood and come out stronger on the other side. Having a baby together is something beautiful and special. Just make sure to prioritize your relationship during this time too. Baby will be happier if mom and dad are happy too!